Funny Golf Quotes

Golf is a game designed to be described in beautiful, flowing sentences that inspire more than just simple reactions from those who have developed a passionate love for the game – they elicit feelings if not sentiments.

Whether it’s the natural beauty of a well-kept golf course at sunset or the ringing sensation that runs through your hands after hitting the perfect golf shot, there’s something about the game that keeps us coming back for more. As a result, it can turn even the most indifferent soul into a poetic speaker.

If you go to Google and type in “golf quotes,” you’ll be greeted with a seemingly endless sea of fantastic phrases and sayings about the game of golf from some of the game’s biggest stars and the world’s brightest minds.

Here’s our selection of 20 funny golf quotes, one for each hole to get you through the next round and a couple for the clubhouse after you complete the round.

1. “I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone’s game: it’s called an eraser.” — Arnold Palmer, the King of golf and comedy too, from the looks of it.

2. “If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron, not even God can hit a 1-iron.” — Lee Trevino, who should know a thing or two about lightning strikes after being struck by one while on the course.

3. “If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.” — Jack Lemmon, a bonafide comedian on and off the course.

4. “It took me 17 years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. It took one afternoon on the golf course.” — Hank Aaron, record-holder of the 2nd-most home runs of all time at 755 and one amazing golf quote for the ages.

5. I’d like to see the fairways more narrow. Then everybody would have to play from the rough, not just me – Seve Ballesteros, former #1 golfer in the world

6. “Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.” — Tiger Woods, 15-time Majors champion and PGA Tour wins record holder

7. “I know I am getting better at golf because I’m hitting fewer spectators.” — Gerald Ford, 38th President of the United States

8. “I’m hitting the woods just great, but I’m having a terrible time getting out of them.” — Harry Toscano, American professional golfer

9. “The reason a pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing. — Phyllis Ada Diller, American actress

10. “If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt.” — Dean Martin, American singer, actor, and comedian.

11. “Man blames fate for all other accidents but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one.” — Bishop Sheen, American religious leader and radio & television personality.

12. “If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf club, they’d starve to death.” — Sam Snead, 82-time PGA Tour winner

13. “While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake”. — Henny Youngman, American Comedian

14. “The difference in golf and government is that in golf, you can’t improve your lie.” — George Deukmejian, 35th Governor of California

15. “Golf is a game in which you yell ‘fore,’ shoot six, and write down five.” — Paul Harvey, American Radio Broadcaster.

16. “The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf.” — Bertrand Russell, British philosopher and logician.

17. “Don’t play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.” — Harry Vardon, 6-time Open Championship winner

18. “To play golf is to spoil an otherwise enjoyable walk.” — said no one, everyone.

19. “A golfer’s diet: live on greens as much as possible.” — Anonymous

20. “The best wood in most amateurs’ bags is a pencil.” — Unknown

It doesn’t matter if you play golf for recreation or to win major tournaments; one thing is certain: if you want to be a top golfer, you must learn the sport by heart and put in a lot of effort to practice and acquire the skills of a top golfer.

The best golfers understand the game and understand how to keep their emotions in check while playing a round. They know when they’re pleased when they’re sad, and their weak and strong points. They use all this knowledge to play every shot as close to perfection as possible. The bottom line is: you must find your own ways to laugh while on the course. Hopefully, these funny golf quotes will come to mind. Always remember, have fun!